April 11: Getting by?

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 2); left groin pain (pain rating 3); pain on left side (3); left knee pain (pain rating 2); left leg pain (pain rating 2); general lower back pain (4); heart palpitations/racing; chest pain; pain in lungs; lower ab muscles weak; white noise in ears; prickly pain - like a random stabbing with needles in the face, feet and legs; red, itchy, rash on left arm, left thumb, abdomen, nose, chest, right ring finger; hot flashes/night sweats.

So today was the first trial with Butalbital (Fioricet) for the headaches. I could feel them coming on early so I wanted to see if this would really stop them. The first dose was non-eventful but within minutes of taking the second dose four hours later, I became dizzy, lightheaded, ....not exactly sleepy but required an immediate vertical position. Unfortunately I was in the car when all this happened so I was rushing like mad to get home. I was unaware it would have this kind of effect at all. I looked online and it said until one gets used to it after a few days, this is "possible." Great. Thanks. Yet another reason I am uncomfortable driving.

My headache did not get worse though and for that, I am thankful. So if I can adjust to the Fioricet and keep the headaches at bay, then maybe I can make it through the next month. The steroid cream helped the rash. It's not nearly as itchy and no longer hurts. I don't think it has popped up anywhere new. Keeping my fingers crossed.

All in all, today was not bad. I was very productive in the morning, not so much once the new drug kicked in.

I did have to cancel a concert today that was to be in two weeks. I'm very unhappy about that but I knew it would be a stressor. Hopefully I can reschedule the fall. I am still going to try to do the program with the Met conductor. God help me be healthy that day.

As someone who always prized her academics and always strove to be at the highest level, I find myself being okay with getting by. This is a tremendous departure from my goal-oriented life and one, while I certainly understand the lessons, has caused problems otherwise.

Dealing with endometriosis and the past month of side effects, I've had to cancel so many things or been slower than normal on projects. This has caused a huge financial fall out that I am not quite sure how to resolve. I'm working as hard as I can at the moment, given the circumstances, but fear the next two months financially. My health insurance is expensive. I'm incredibly frugal but there is only so far you can go. If I can hope for anything, it's that I can survive minimally scathed and I can "get by."