May 5: What are my choices

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 5); left groin pain (pain rating 4); ovarian pain (2); lower back pain (4); leg pain (5); pain on right side (4); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; hoarseness.

My headaches started coming back today so I headed it off with the Fioricet. I halved the dosage to see what would happen; could it stave off the headache and then I remain functional? I did okay. It didn't completely take away the headache and I wasn't as dizzy. So this is better. I'm hoping it's something I can fall back on if needed.

The weather was okay today where I am so I got out and walked a little. I'm still having a lot of pain my torso and down my left leg into the shin. It's not easy to walk; I don't always feel up to it, but if I can walk down the block, it's better than nothing.

I forgot to mention last night at the concert, I forgot everyone's names. These are people I know well and for several years. Strange.

I really don't think I can tolerate the Lupron for a third shot. Unless something dramatically changes over the next week, I'm going to cycle off. The journey has been to costly... personally, financially, professionally. I feel as though it has impacted very aspect of my life. I don't think it has helped anything and made everything much worse. Very frustrating!

April 16: A fog descends

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 3); pain on left side (3); general lower back pain (5); neck pain (pain rating 3); lower ab muscles weak; white noise in ears; inner ear pain (4); chest pain (5); mental confusion; hot flashes/night sweats; exhausted.

Today was a big test. I had to fly to my other residence. On normal days for me, this would be no big deal. There were some years I was on a plane 40 times. But today, everything became more significant. I would have to spend more time out of bed. I would have to pack a rollerboard, drag it, get to and from the car, go through security, etc. All the things that used to be normal, now seem huge.

I hadn't seen my other place for three months. A few things happened that were disconcerting to me. I couldn't remember a neighbor's name and had to ask my spouse. Tonight, I couldn't remember the way to the theater from our house. The house seemed new. I had no recollection of where I had put anything.

This is a little frightening.

I know how hard I fight every day to make mental connections, to think past pain, to stay focused. What is this new fog? This seems to go beyond the befuddlement of recent days. These are huge lapses in memory. Has anyone experienced this?