SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 4); ovarian pain (4); lower back pain (4); leg pain (3); pain on right side (2); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.

Ironically, the problems today are mostly the problems I sought help for in the beginning... this damn groin pain, the lack of sleep, the reduced mobility.

Today was not so bad with everything else. I walked 11 blocks west and 5 blocks north, both ways. I did get very tired trying to push a shopping cart today.

I'm exhausted right now while listening to a Rent soundtrack. How funny to me I've never seen this show. I'm in my own little classical world, which is a world apart from Broadway.

Sorry that I am not very verbose tonight. I have to wake up very early tomorrow.

May 5: What are my choices

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 5); left groin pain (pain rating 4); ovarian pain (2); lower back pain (4); leg pain (5); pain on right side (4); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; hoarseness.

My headaches started coming back today so I headed it off with the Fioricet. I halved the dosage to see what would happen; could it stave off the headache and then I remain functional? I did okay. It didn't completely take away the headache and I wasn't as dizzy. So this is better. I'm hoping it's something I can fall back on if needed.

The weather was okay today where I am so I got out and walked a little. I'm still having a lot of pain my torso and down my left leg into the shin. It's not easy to walk; I don't always feel up to it, but if I can walk down the block, it's better than nothing.

I forgot to mention last night at the concert, I forgot everyone's names. These are people I know well and for several years. Strange.

I really don't think I can tolerate the Lupron for a third shot. Unless something dramatically changes over the next week, I'm going to cycle off. The journey has been to costly... personally, financially, professionally. I feel as though it has impacted very aspect of my life. I don't think it has helped anything and made everything much worse. Very frustrating!

May 3: Test

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 4); pain on sides (2); lower back pain (6); leg pain (5); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; hoarseness.

Today was a big test: could I walk 1/2 miles to a bus stop; could I drive myself to an airport 2 1/2 hours away; could I drag all my luggage by myself.

Yes.

I am so lucky today ended up being okay, despite feeling really horrible last night and not sleeping well. Normally, this travel schedule would have been no big deal. I've done this a million times and many more rigorous schedules. However, pre-Lupron days are not my present Lupron reality. It took a lot of concentration to drive so far. It took a lot of strength to hoist relatively light bags onto buses, shuttles and luggage compartments above my head (I'm 5'4").

All that being said, today I was functional.

I didn't have the headaches. I did have a lot of groin, leg and back pain, which made it challenging to walk... or at least not walk like a complete gimp. I swear it look like I have a peg leg (not there's anything wrong with it).

And how old am I???

35 going on 99.