May 15: Aging beyond my years

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 5); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.

I am so tired I am about to fall asleep this second. I cannot believe how exhausted I continue to be. That being said, I made it to the grocery store and actually carried about 25 lbs of groceries by myself. This is the first time in weeks and weeks I have been able to do that.

I watched myself on TV tonight and could not believe how much I have changed. I looked old, frail and emaciated - not in the anorexic sense but in a malnourished sense. I know they shot me early in the morning, but still... I looked awful.

Last night I barely slept. I woke at 4.30a and worked; I napped later. Now I find I can barely stay awake so perhaps I will sleep.

May 12: Where is my brain?

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 6); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); fleeting, needle-like pain in shins; exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.

I am very forgetful today. For two hours, I could not think of my nephew's name. Today was early-ish day in any case and I am generally fuzzy/tired on those days, but this was worse. And I am having a hard time finding a position to sleep in comfortably again.

Wednesday would be my third shot. But I am not going down that road any more. Now I'll be writing about cycling off, which i hope won't be quite so bad.

May 11: Tired

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 6); lower back pain (4); fleeting needle-like pain in shoulder/neck; exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; nightmares.

I was so tired. I had to wake up early for a Sunday appointment an hour away. The appointment was draining so I would imagine much of my exhaustion was from that. I was so drained that I had no appetite afterwards, no energy, no focus and went back to sleep as soon as I could.

I also went to bed, again, early in the evening.

April 25: Tired

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 5); pain on sides (4); lower back pain (6); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; weakness and tiredness; reduced mobility; white noise in ears.

Just tired, down and sad today. That's all I have the energy to say right now.