May 3: Test

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 4); pain on sides (2); lower back pain (6); leg pain (5); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; hoarseness.

Today was a big test: could I walk 1/2 miles to a bus stop; could I drive myself to an airport 2 1/2 hours away; could I drag all my luggage by myself.

Yes.

I am so lucky today ended up being okay, despite feeling really horrible last night and not sleeping well. Normally, this travel schedule would have been no big deal. I've done this a million times and many more rigorous schedules. However, pre-Lupron days are not my present Lupron reality. It took a lot of concentration to drive so far. It took a lot of strength to hoist relatively light bags onto buses, shuttles and luggage compartments above my head (I'm 5'4").

All that being said, today I was functional.

I didn't have the headaches. I did have a lot of groin, leg and back pain, which made it challenging to walk... or at least not walk like a complete gimp. I swear it look like I have a peg leg (not there's anything wrong with it).

And how old am I???

35 going on 99.

April 20: Treading Water

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 5); left groin pain (pain rating 3); pain on sides (5); lower back pain (6); lower ab muscles weak; white noise in ears; mental confusion; hot flashes/night sweats; needle-like feeling in legs; exhausted.

I am ridiculously behind on a number of projects, even with canceling next Monday's concert. With so few hours where I can focus (meaning not dealing with side effects from one drug or another), I get so little done. Which brings up a point for women with families and/or jobs that do not allow telecommuting: just how does one get through this and be functional?

The lower back pain was more present today... a stabbing pain on the right side. It was fleeting but came back often. It's the kind of pain that startles you and makes you catch your breath.

I'm also worried about (just as some of you that have written me) the estrogen surge on the other end of this treatment. Does that happen to everyone if our bodies aren't ready to go into menopause (which would mean nearly all of us)?

To echo a brave gal that wrote me lately, there has to be a better way.