May 17: Bone tired

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: left groin pain (pain rating 5); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; increased hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.

I had a rehearsal today and was so tired. All I wanted to do before and after was to sleep. The piece I am doing is physically taxing, but isn't especially long. It probably would not feel quite so taxing if I weren't so tired otherwise, though it does deal with the extremes in range.

I've noticed an increase in hot flashes, sometimes several an hour. When I am sleeping something else is waking me and then about 30-60 second the hot flash sets in. I know some women feel that the actually sweating wakes them. For me, it is whatever is happening prior... a bad dream, some other chemical trigger, that is doing the waking.

I started back on the Lo Estrin on Friday, so we will see how it all goes. Hoping for the best.

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 4); ovarian pain (4); lower back pain (4); leg pain (3); pain on right side (2); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.

Ironically, the problems today are mostly the problems I sought help for in the beginning... this damn groin pain, the lack of sleep, the reduced mobility.

Today was not so bad with everything else. I walked 11 blocks west and 5 blocks north, both ways. I did get very tired trying to push a shopping cart today.

I'm exhausted right now while listening to a Rent soundtrack. How funny to me I've never seen this show. I'm in my own little classical world, which is a world apart from Broadway.

Sorry that I am not very verbose tonight. I have to wake up very early tomorrow.

May 4: More

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 2); left groin pain (pain rating 6); ovarian pain (6); lower back pain (6); leg pain (5); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; hoarseness.

Today the groin pain and the ovarian pain was as bad as it has ever been. It did seem to respond to a high dose of Ibuprofen, but I felt shaky. I don't understand why the Lupron is not at least taking care of that.

On the bright side, once I got the pain under control, I was able to take a walk for about half a mile and listen to a concert. The concert was harder than the walk. I'm going to try really hard to walk a little everyday and try to build some strength. My appetite is horrible though. I don't have any fresh unprocessed food and anything heavy makes me feel ill.

I am so tired right now.

May 3: Test

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 4); pain on sides (2); lower back pain (6); leg pain (5); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; hoarseness.

Today was a big test: could I walk 1/2 miles to a bus stop; could I drive myself to an airport 2 1/2 hours away; could I drag all my luggage by myself.

Yes.

I am so lucky today ended up being okay, despite feeling really horrible last night and not sleeping well. Normally, this travel schedule would have been no big deal. I've done this a million times and many more rigorous schedules. However, pre-Lupron days are not my present Lupron reality. It took a lot of concentration to drive so far. It took a lot of strength to hoist relatively light bags onto buses, shuttles and luggage compartments above my head (I'm 5'4").

All that being said, today I was functional.

I didn't have the headaches. I did have a lot of groin, leg and back pain, which made it challenging to walk... or at least not walk like a complete gimp. I swear it look like I have a peg leg (not there's anything wrong with it).

And how old am I???

35 going on 99.

May 1: What now?

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 2); left groin pain (pain rating 4); pain on sides (2); lower back pain (3); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; weakness and extremely tired; reduced mobility; problems with sleep; lack of focus.

I noticed looking at last month around two weeks after the first shot there was a reprieve and I am wondering if I am in the same cycle. Today was pretty decent comparatively. Just wondering if the bad stuff will come back.

What I do know, though I thought it was diminishing, the groin pain has not gone. That was the whole reason I did this shot... as a diagnostic. I was told by a surgeon in Miami that I would have my answer after the flare. If the groin pain was because of the endometriosis that I have, the Lupron would make it go away. If it didn't, there is something else causing the problem.

My OBGYN thought it could be adenomyosis on top of the endometriosis.

Where do I go from here?

April 30: Yes and No

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 2); left groin pain (pain rating 6); pain on sides (2); lower back pain (3); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; weakness and extremely tired; reduced mobility; blurred vision; lack of focus.

Today is not bad but the groin pain is still there, as is this bizarre ovulatory pain. I don't have much energy or focus, but I still perceive things as better than they had been in recent days. Though I still say I am worse off than before I started this drug.

Must sleep.

April 29: Don't know what you got 'till it's gone

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 2); left groin pain (pain rating 8); pain on sides (2); lower back pain (3); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; weakness and extremely tired; reduced mobility; blurred vision; lack of focus.

I was so tired today. Last night I had some of the sharpest groin pains I have had in a long time. Not quite sure why that would be happening and I am still getting the sense that I am having ovulatory pain. That puzzles me because I thought by now that would be impossible. Am I not in menopause yet? Isn't my ovulation completely suppressed?

So many facets of this drug regimen I just don't understand. Other than the weakness and being very, very tired, today was not that bad. So I've had a few decent days strung together. Interestingly, I feel as though one doesn't truly know one's gifts until you've had them taken away. So when I have a decent day (which is still worse than the pre-Lupron days) I feel like celebrating! Woo-hoo!

Originally I was supposed to be out of town today but I've rescheduled travel for the weekend. I hope I am feeling up to it!

April 27: I had a good day

SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 7); pain on sides (4); lower back pain (4); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; weakness and tiredness; reduced mobility.

Just wanted to post this quickly and will fill in the rest later... the performance was fine. No headaches. Of course, I'm still having problems with the supported breath from the lower abs, but I was fine. I lost myself in the music. Isn't that the point?


Later....
From morning until about 6pm, I had a very good day. Perfect, since I sang early in the day. By 6pm, things started creeping in... headaches, blurred vision, intense groin pain and then pain that feel ovulatory (how is that possible since I am supposed to be in menopause?) I'm so thankul I made it through the really important part of the day. Now I can sleep.