SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 2); left groin pain (pain rating 4); pain on sides (4); lower back pain (4); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; weakness and tiredness; reduced mobility; blurred vision; lack of focus.
Today was not too bad in terms of pain though each day is a little like the other shoe dropping. Except what dropped today was my voice... about a third. Damn, I wish I could have sung today! (only other singers will recognize the importance of this, especially given what I sang yesterday)
In any case, I am grateful that I wasn't curled up and comatose yesterday. I think I forgot to mention how I couldn't remember names last night. A fourteen-year volunteer came up to me and I could not remember his name. Nor the underwriter for last night's concert. Ugh.
I was sad today, but it was more because of personal reasons than the drug. I don't know how often one is supposed to extend second chances, but I guess when they reach the double digits, that's probably plenty.
Tonight was to be a regional premiere that I had to postpone. I'm okay with it now... disappointed but okay. My next engagement is in about three weeks... another regional premiere. I'll try not to stress; as long as I am standing it shouldn't be too difficult in terms of where it lies in my voice. I have a lot of highly focused homework to do. That's where I am lacking.
I'm reminded of these words:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
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1 comment:
Sweetie, I hate to say it, but really, you should stop now. It's not going to get any better the longer you use it. That's not how this drug works. There are other side effects and worse side effects. Stop now, while you're still almost ok. Please. I don't want you to go through what I have or any number of people I know in different support groups. Please stop.
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