SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 2 ramping now to 6); left groin pain (pain rating 4); pain on sides (6); lower back pain (6); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; weakness and extremely tired; reduced mobility; problems with sleep; hoarseness; lack of focus.
So I bit off more than I could chew tonight. I often cantor Shabbat services (Reform and Conservative). I never think of it as a performance because that's not what it is. I'm giving voice to a congregation as we collect our prayers, our Psalms in song and then send them upward. Music is what takes our words to the next level... the emotional, the spiritual.
I've missed being able to cantor as much this season, especially at the shul around the corner from me. The group is a bit irreverent, a lot of fun and we regard each other with open arms and family.
But I wanted to do Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Day of Remembrance) and it happened to fall on Shabbat, which makes it very special. The music is not hard and I even asked for a mike, which normally I would never do. But I stood for such a long time. The longer I stood, the weaker I felt. My head started to pound. I began to be hoarse. Hot flashes, etc. This week, we didn't have accompaniment for the normal Shabbat tunes, only for the special music for Yom HaShoah. I was feeling very naked and so ill.
But the congregation got me through it with their genuine love and support. They were so happy to see me. Though I am lying here in bed now feeling like I was runover by a truck, I know in my heart that no one scrutinizes me there. We are there because the union of music and spirituality brings us together. In fact, it reminds us that there are so many things larger than ourselves.
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