SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 5); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
Today I cooked a four-course meal for the first time in months. I've missed cooking. It's something I enjoyed for years and this past year, cooking has been markedly absent. It was nice to have a little energy to stand and create.
I slept horribly again last night, with vivid nightmares, interrupted sleep, etc. Groin pain is worse at night, as it always has been. It's very difficult to find a comfortable position to sleep in.
My doc advised me to start my bcp again so I am back to the Lo-Estrin. Should be interesting to see what happens as my body takes time to process through the Lupron and the intake of the Lo-Estrin.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
May 15: Aging beyond my years
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 5); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
I am so tired I am about to fall asleep this second. I cannot believe how exhausted I continue to be. That being said, I made it to the grocery store and actually carried about 25 lbs of groceries by myself. This is the first time in weeks and weeks I have been able to do that.
I watched myself on TV tonight and could not believe how much I have changed. I looked old, frail and emaciated - not in the anorexic sense but in a malnourished sense. I know they shot me early in the morning, but still... I looked awful.
Last night I barely slept. I woke at 4.30a and worked; I napped later. Now I find I can barely stay awake so perhaps I will sleep.
I am so tired I am about to fall asleep this second. I cannot believe how exhausted I continue to be. That being said, I made it to the grocery store and actually carried about 25 lbs of groceries by myself. This is the first time in weeks and weeks I have been able to do that.
I watched myself on TV tonight and could not believe how much I have changed. I looked old, frail and emaciated - not in the anorexic sense but in a malnourished sense. I know they shot me early in the morning, but still... I looked awful.
Last night I barely slept. I woke at 4.30a and worked; I napped later. Now I find I can barely stay awake so perhaps I will sleep.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
May 14: Not out of the woods
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 5); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
If yesterday taught me anything, it's that the side effects (whether it be estrogen loss or Lupron) can come back at any given time, regardless of the number of manageable days you have. Yesterday was a beast. The pain in my head was close to unbearable.
I woke up early and tired this morning, with a headache. I made it through the interview no problem. I was just exhausted. I had wanted to crash as soon as I got home, but it didn't happen. Hoping for sleep tonight.
If yesterday taught me anything, it's that the side effects (whether it be estrogen loss or Lupron) can come back at any given time, regardless of the number of manageable days you have. Yesterday was a beast. The pain in my head was close to unbearable.
I woke up early and tired this morning, with a headache. I made it through the interview no problem. I was just exhausted. I had wanted to crash as soon as I got home, but it didn't happen. Hoping for sleep tonight.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
May 13: I know my pulse because I can feel it in my head
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 8); left groin pain (pain rating 6); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
I'll write more later but right now I have one of the worst migraines going on. And I have a rehearsal in two hours. Lovely.
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Tonight was a living hell for a couple of hours. My headache started in the morning and I was hoping it would go away. By the afternoon, it was excruciating. Any note I would try to sing left me reeling. This with a rehearsal looming large. The work that I am performing this weekend is very high and very loud. It takes a lot of strength and it is a bit of a work out. In desperation, I took a half dosage of the Fioricet. It cut the headache to manageable and I wasn't a complete space cadet, though a flubbed a couple of passages. I was very tired by the end.
Tomorrow I have to be up early for a TV interview. I just want to sleep.
I'll write more later but right now I have one of the worst migraines going on. And I have a rehearsal in two hours. Lovely.
=============
Tonight was a living hell for a couple of hours. My headache started in the morning and I was hoping it would go away. By the afternoon, it was excruciating. Any note I would try to sing left me reeling. This with a rehearsal looming large. The work that I am performing this weekend is very high and very loud. It takes a lot of strength and it is a bit of a work out. In desperation, I took a half dosage of the Fioricet. It cut the headache to manageable and I wasn't a complete space cadet, though a flubbed a couple of passages. I was very tired by the end.
Tomorrow I have to be up early for a TV interview. I just want to sleep.
Monday, May 12, 2008
May 12: Where is my brain?
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 6); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); fleeting, needle-like pain in shins; exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
I am very forgetful today. For two hours, I could not think of my nephew's name. Today was early-ish day in any case and I am generally fuzzy/tired on those days, but this was worse. And I am having a hard time finding a position to sleep in comfortably again.
Wednesday would be my third shot. But I am not going down that road any more. Now I'll be writing about cycling off, which i hope won't be quite so bad.
I am very forgetful today. For two hours, I could not think of my nephew's name. Today was early-ish day in any case and I am generally fuzzy/tired on those days, but this was worse. And I am having a hard time finding a position to sleep in comfortably again.
Wednesday would be my third shot. But I am not going down that road any more. Now I'll be writing about cycling off, which i hope won't be quite so bad.
May 11: Tired
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 6); lower back pain (4); fleeting needle-like pain in shoulder/neck; exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; nightmares.
I was so tired. I had to wake up early for a Sunday appointment an hour away. The appointment was draining so I would imagine much of my exhaustion was from that. I was so drained that I had no appetite afterwards, no energy, no focus and went back to sleep as soon as I could.
I also went to bed, again, early in the evening.
I was so tired. I had to wake up early for a Sunday appointment an hour away. The appointment was draining so I would imagine much of my exhaustion was from that. I was so drained that I had no appetite afterwards, no energy, no focus and went back to sleep as soon as I could.
I also went to bed, again, early in the evening.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
May 10: Old Faithful
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 5); ovarian pain (4); lower back pain (4); leg pain (3); pain on left side (2); hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; nightmares.
I practiced today. I'm about a week out from a regional premiere and realized how far behind I am. But my voice, if it holds, will be fine. It's in a good place right now for this work.
I slept for a long time last night, but was interrupted by half a dozen nightmares. These dreams seem so vivid and true. Some of them in recent days are about people I haven't thought about in years and others involve my current cast of characters. All the nightmares involve my worst fears... I guess all nightmares do. They are just so incredibly vivid. Though I have always remembered my dreams, these seem so real that when I wake I can barely separate them from reality. Strange.
I did not get to walk today, but I managed to carry some things to the car and the dumpster. I did some housework.
I think this week has been better, all in all, but I keep going back to the same question. Did the Lupron help what it was originally supposed to help? The answer is no. It's my understanding that I would have seen improvement by now, yet even as I type, I feel the familiar knife-like pain in my groin.
I practiced today. I'm about a week out from a regional premiere and realized how far behind I am. But my voice, if it holds, will be fine. It's in a good place right now for this work.
I slept for a long time last night, but was interrupted by half a dozen nightmares. These dreams seem so vivid and true. Some of them in recent days are about people I haven't thought about in years and others involve my current cast of characters. All the nightmares involve my worst fears... I guess all nightmares do. They are just so incredibly vivid. Though I have always remembered my dreams, these seem so real that when I wake I can barely separate them from reality. Strange.
I did not get to walk today, but I managed to carry some things to the car and the dumpster. I did some housework.
I think this week has been better, all in all, but I keep going back to the same question. Did the Lupron help what it was originally supposed to help? The answer is no. It's my understanding that I would have seen improvement by now, yet even as I type, I feel the familiar knife-like pain in my groin.
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