SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: left groin pain (pain rating 5); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; increased hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
I had a rehearsal today and was so tired. All I wanted to do before and after was to sleep. The piece I am doing is physically taxing, but isn't especially long. It probably would not feel quite so taxing if I weren't so tired otherwise, though it does deal with the extremes in range.
I've noticed an increase in hot flashes, sometimes several an hour. When I am sleeping something else is waking me and then about 30-60 second the hot flash sets in. I know some women feel that the actually sweating wakes them. For me, it is whatever is happening prior... a bad dream, some other chemical trigger, that is doing the waking.
I started back on the Lo Estrin on Friday, so we will see how it all goes. Hoping for the best.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
May 16: Back in the saddle
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 5); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
Today I cooked a four-course meal for the first time in months. I've missed cooking. It's something I enjoyed for years and this past year, cooking has been markedly absent. It was nice to have a little energy to stand and create.
I slept horribly again last night, with vivid nightmares, interrupted sleep, etc. Groin pain is worse at night, as it always has been. It's very difficult to find a comfortable position to sleep in.
My doc advised me to start my bcp again so I am back to the Lo-Estrin. Should be interesting to see what happens as my body takes time to process through the Lupron and the intake of the Lo-Estrin.
Today I cooked a four-course meal for the first time in months. I've missed cooking. It's something I enjoyed for years and this past year, cooking has been markedly absent. It was nice to have a little energy to stand and create.
I slept horribly again last night, with vivid nightmares, interrupted sleep, etc. Groin pain is worse at night, as it always has been. It's very difficult to find a comfortable position to sleep in.
My doc advised me to start my bcp again so I am back to the Lo-Estrin. Should be interesting to see what happens as my body takes time to process through the Lupron and the intake of the Lo-Estrin.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
May 15: Aging beyond my years
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 5); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
I am so tired I am about to fall asleep this second. I cannot believe how exhausted I continue to be. That being said, I made it to the grocery store and actually carried about 25 lbs of groceries by myself. This is the first time in weeks and weeks I have been able to do that.
I watched myself on TV tonight and could not believe how much I have changed. I looked old, frail and emaciated - not in the anorexic sense but in a malnourished sense. I know they shot me early in the morning, but still... I looked awful.
Last night I barely slept. I woke at 4.30a and worked; I napped later. Now I find I can barely stay awake so perhaps I will sleep.
I am so tired I am about to fall asleep this second. I cannot believe how exhausted I continue to be. That being said, I made it to the grocery store and actually carried about 25 lbs of groceries by myself. This is the first time in weeks and weeks I have been able to do that.
I watched myself on TV tonight and could not believe how much I have changed. I looked old, frail and emaciated - not in the anorexic sense but in a malnourished sense. I know they shot me early in the morning, but still... I looked awful.
Last night I barely slept. I woke at 4.30a and worked; I napped later. Now I find I can barely stay awake so perhaps I will sleep.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
May 14: Not out of the woods
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 5); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
If yesterday taught me anything, it's that the side effects (whether it be estrogen loss or Lupron) can come back at any given time, regardless of the number of manageable days you have. Yesterday was a beast. The pain in my head was close to unbearable.
I woke up early and tired this morning, with a headache. I made it through the interview no problem. I was just exhausted. I had wanted to crash as soon as I got home, but it didn't happen. Hoping for sleep tonight.
If yesterday taught me anything, it's that the side effects (whether it be estrogen loss or Lupron) can come back at any given time, regardless of the number of manageable days you have. Yesterday was a beast. The pain in my head was close to unbearable.
I woke up early and tired this morning, with a headache. I made it through the interview no problem. I was just exhausted. I had wanted to crash as soon as I got home, but it didn't happen. Hoping for sleep tonight.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
May 13: I know my pulse because I can feel it in my head
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 8); left groin pain (pain rating 6); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
I'll write more later but right now I have one of the worst migraines going on. And I have a rehearsal in two hours. Lovely.
=============
Tonight was a living hell for a couple of hours. My headache started in the morning and I was hoping it would go away. By the afternoon, it was excruciating. Any note I would try to sing left me reeling. This with a rehearsal looming large. The work that I am performing this weekend is very high and very loud. It takes a lot of strength and it is a bit of a work out. In desperation, I took a half dosage of the Fioricet. It cut the headache to manageable and I wasn't a complete space cadet, though a flubbed a couple of passages. I was very tired by the end.
Tomorrow I have to be up early for a TV interview. I just want to sleep.
I'll write more later but right now I have one of the worst migraines going on. And I have a rehearsal in two hours. Lovely.
=============
Tonight was a living hell for a couple of hours. My headache started in the morning and I was hoping it would go away. By the afternoon, it was excruciating. Any note I would try to sing left me reeling. This with a rehearsal looming large. The work that I am performing this weekend is very high and very loud. It takes a lot of strength and it is a bit of a work out. In desperation, I took a half dosage of the Fioricet. It cut the headache to manageable and I wasn't a complete space cadet, though a flubbed a couple of passages. I was very tired by the end.
Tomorrow I have to be up early for a TV interview. I just want to sleep.
Monday, May 12, 2008
May 12: Where is my brain?
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 6); lower back pain (4); side pain (5); fleeting, needle-like pain in shins; exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
I am very forgetful today. For two hours, I could not think of my nephew's name. Today was early-ish day in any case and I am generally fuzzy/tired on those days, but this was worse. And I am having a hard time finding a position to sleep in comfortably again.
Wednesday would be my third shot. But I am not going down that road any more. Now I'll be writing about cycling off, which i hope won't be quite so bad.
I am very forgetful today. For two hours, I could not think of my nephew's name. Today was early-ish day in any case and I am generally fuzzy/tired on those days, but this was worse. And I am having a hard time finding a position to sleep in comfortably again.
Wednesday would be my third shot. But I am not going down that road any more. Now I'll be writing about cycling off, which i hope won't be quite so bad.
May 11: Tired
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 6); lower back pain (4); fleeting needle-like pain in shoulder/neck; exhaustion; lack of focus; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; nightmares.
I was so tired. I had to wake up early for a Sunday appointment an hour away. The appointment was draining so I would imagine much of my exhaustion was from that. I was so drained that I had no appetite afterwards, no energy, no focus and went back to sleep as soon as I could.
I also went to bed, again, early in the evening.
I was so tired. I had to wake up early for a Sunday appointment an hour away. The appointment was draining so I would imagine much of my exhaustion was from that. I was so drained that I had no appetite afterwards, no energy, no focus and went back to sleep as soon as I could.
I also went to bed, again, early in the evening.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
May 10: Old Faithful
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 5); ovarian pain (4); lower back pain (4); leg pain (3); pain on left side (2); hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; nightmares.
I practiced today. I'm about a week out from a regional premiere and realized how far behind I am. But my voice, if it holds, will be fine. It's in a good place right now for this work.
I slept for a long time last night, but was interrupted by half a dozen nightmares. These dreams seem so vivid and true. Some of them in recent days are about people I haven't thought about in years and others involve my current cast of characters. All the nightmares involve my worst fears... I guess all nightmares do. They are just so incredibly vivid. Though I have always remembered my dreams, these seem so real that when I wake I can barely separate them from reality. Strange.
I did not get to walk today, but I managed to carry some things to the car and the dumpster. I did some housework.
I think this week has been better, all in all, but I keep going back to the same question. Did the Lupron help what it was originally supposed to help? The answer is no. It's my understanding that I would have seen improvement by now, yet even as I type, I feel the familiar knife-like pain in my groin.
I practiced today. I'm about a week out from a regional premiere and realized how far behind I am. But my voice, if it holds, will be fine. It's in a good place right now for this work.
I slept for a long time last night, but was interrupted by half a dozen nightmares. These dreams seem so vivid and true. Some of them in recent days are about people I haven't thought about in years and others involve my current cast of characters. All the nightmares involve my worst fears... I guess all nightmares do. They are just so incredibly vivid. Though I have always remembered my dreams, these seem so real that when I wake I can barely separate them from reality. Strange.
I did not get to walk today, but I managed to carry some things to the car and the dumpster. I did some housework.
I think this week has been better, all in all, but I keep going back to the same question. Did the Lupron help what it was originally supposed to help? The answer is no. It's my understanding that I would have seen improvement by now, yet even as I type, I feel the familiar knife-like pain in my groin.
Friday, May 9, 2008
May 9: Functional and Pensive
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 4); ovarian pain (4); lower back pain (4); leg pain (3); pain on right side (2); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
I drove today. In a major city. And got very lost.
None of that I can attribute to estrogen loss. Rather, I blame Google Maps.
But I was able to carry on a nice conversation for two hours and made it back home. Tonight I was able to walk 4 blocks to a favorite restaurant. The walk back was easier... after drinking a lot of wine. :-)
I'm very tired though.
I received a nice mention in the daily paper regarding the Yom HaShoah service I did last week, which was completely unexpected. Very sweet.
Turn that 180 degrees and I find myself regarding some paths that I feel like are coming to an end. There's some sadness, regrets ...wondering what's next.
Beyond a full night's sleep, I'm not sure.
I drove today. In a major city. And got very lost.
None of that I can attribute to estrogen loss. Rather, I blame Google Maps.
But I was able to carry on a nice conversation for two hours and made it back home. Tonight I was able to walk 4 blocks to a favorite restaurant. The walk back was easier... after drinking a lot of wine. :-)
I'm very tired though.
I received a nice mention in the daily paper regarding the Yom HaShoah service I did last week, which was completely unexpected. Very sweet.
Turn that 180 degrees and I find myself regarding some paths that I feel like are coming to an end. There's some sadness, regrets ...wondering what's next.
Beyond a full night's sleep, I'm not sure.
May 8: Triggers
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 2); left groin pain (pain rating 4); ovarian pain (4); lower back pain (4); leg pain (2); pain on right side (2); chest pain (5); tingling in fingers; lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; nightmares; exhaustion.
I fell asleep twice this afternoon/evening from being exhausted, but I did get out to walk 20 blocks between rain storms.
My sleep is being interrupted by vivid nightmares combined with chest pain and numbness/tingling in my right hand. I've got no answers on that one! I know how some people feel as though the hot flashes wake them, for me it seems as though the trigger to the hot flash is waking me... whatever that trigger is. After I wake, I noticed I have about a minute before the hot flash hits. Or at least it seemed in the last 24 hours.
I fell asleep twice this afternoon/evening from being exhausted, but I did get out to walk 20 blocks between rain storms.
My sleep is being interrupted by vivid nightmares combined with chest pain and numbness/tingling in my right hand. I've got no answers on that one! I know how some people feel as though the hot flashes wake them, for me it seems as though the trigger to the hot flash is waking me... whatever that trigger is. After I wake, I noticed I have about a minute before the hot flash hits. Or at least it seemed in the last 24 hours.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 4); ovarian pain (4); lower back pain (4); leg pain (3); pain on right side (2); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
Ironically, the problems today are mostly the problems I sought help for in the beginning... this damn groin pain, the lack of sleep, the reduced mobility.
Today was not so bad with everything else. I walked 11 blocks west and 5 blocks north, both ways. I did get very tired trying to push a shopping cart today.
I'm exhausted right now while listening to a Rent soundtrack. How funny to me I've never seen this show. I'm in my own little classical world, which is a world apart from Broadway.
Sorry that I am not very verbose tonight. I have to wake up very early tomorrow.
Ironically, the problems today are mostly the problems I sought help for in the beginning... this damn groin pain, the lack of sleep, the reduced mobility.
Today was not so bad with everything else. I walked 11 blocks west and 5 blocks north, both ways. I did get very tired trying to push a shopping cart today.
I'm exhausted right now while listening to a Rent soundtrack. How funny to me I've never seen this show. I'm in my own little classical world, which is a world apart from Broadway.
Sorry that I am not very verbose tonight. I have to wake up very early tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
May 6: Promenade
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 3); left groin pain (pain rating 4); ovarian pain (4); lower back pain (2); leg pain (3); pain on right side (4); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep.
Today was one of my better days. What started out as a rotten day because of my mood, improved once I forced myself to take a walk to get some fresh produce. If I can just keep my head from pounding and my groin from hurting enough, these short, slow walks are possible and obviously beneficial.
Today was one of my better days. What started out as a rotten day because of my mood, improved once I forced myself to take a walk to get some fresh produce. If I can just keep my head from pounding and my groin from hurting enough, these short, slow walks are possible and obviously beneficial.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
May 5: What are my choices
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 5); left groin pain (pain rating 4); ovarian pain (2); lower back pain (4); leg pain (5); pain on right side (4); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; hoarseness.
My headaches started coming back today so I headed it off with the Fioricet. I halved the dosage to see what would happen; could it stave off the headache and then I remain functional? I did okay. It didn't completely take away the headache and I wasn't as dizzy. So this is better. I'm hoping it's something I can fall back on if needed.
The weather was okay today where I am so I got out and walked a little. I'm still having a lot of pain my torso and down my left leg into the shin. It's not easy to walk; I don't always feel up to it, but if I can walk down the block, it's better than nothing.
I forgot to mention last night at the concert, I forgot everyone's names. These are people I know well and for several years. Strange.
I really don't think I can tolerate the Lupron for a third shot. Unless something dramatically changes over the next week, I'm going to cycle off. The journey has been to costly... personally, financially, professionally. I feel as though it has impacted very aspect of my life. I don't think it has helped anything and made everything much worse. Very frustrating!
My headaches started coming back today so I headed it off with the Fioricet. I halved the dosage to see what would happen; could it stave off the headache and then I remain functional? I did okay. It didn't completely take away the headache and I wasn't as dizzy. So this is better. I'm hoping it's something I can fall back on if needed.
The weather was okay today where I am so I got out and walked a little. I'm still having a lot of pain my torso and down my left leg into the shin. It's not easy to walk; I don't always feel up to it, but if I can walk down the block, it's better than nothing.
I forgot to mention last night at the concert, I forgot everyone's names. These are people I know well and for several years. Strange.
I really don't think I can tolerate the Lupron for a third shot. Unless something dramatically changes over the next week, I'm going to cycle off. The journey has been to costly... personally, financially, professionally. I feel as though it has impacted very aspect of my life. I don't think it has helped anything and made everything much worse. Very frustrating!
Monday, May 5, 2008
May 4: More
SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 2); left groin pain (pain rating 6); ovarian pain (6); lower back pain (6); leg pain (5); lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats; problems with sleep; hoarseness.
Today the groin pain and the ovarian pain was as bad as it has ever been. It did seem to respond to a high dose of Ibuprofen, but I felt shaky. I don't understand why the Lupron is not at least taking care of that.
On the bright side, once I got the pain under control, I was able to take a walk for about half a mile and listen to a concert. The concert was harder than the walk. I'm going to try really hard to walk a little everyday and try to build some strength. My appetite is horrible though. I don't have any fresh unprocessed food and anything heavy makes me feel ill.
I am so tired right now.
Today the groin pain and the ovarian pain was as bad as it has ever been. It did seem to respond to a high dose of Ibuprofen, but I felt shaky. I don't understand why the Lupron is not at least taking care of that.
On the bright side, once I got the pain under control, I was able to take a walk for about half a mile and listen to a concert. The concert was harder than the walk. I'm going to try really hard to walk a little everyday and try to build some strength. My appetite is horrible though. I don't have any fresh unprocessed food and anything heavy makes me feel ill.
I am so tired right now.
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