SIDE EFFECTS FOR THIS DAY: headaches (pain rating 1); left groin pain (pain rating 6); pain on left side (4); left knee pain (pain rating 3); left leg pain (pain rating 5); general lower back pain (4); fatigue; low mood; heart palpitations/racing; chest pain; pain in lungs; lower ab muscles weak; hot flashes/night sweats.
Today was not that bad. The headaches were barely there. This is probably the closest I've been to normal in a long time. So I'm hoping maybe I am out of the woods, that the next shot won't bring the worst back.
I got an email from a well-placed conductor to sing on something he was conducting outside of his prestigous opera house. Immediately, what sprang to mind was a silent prayer begging for the health of my voice. Funny how I immediately wanted to plead with God to set things right, to give me back the lovely Suzuki voice of two years ago, somehow... magically... make it right.
As I've been singing through this piece, I notice how weak my lower abdominals are right now, as weak as they were immediately after surgery. They will not engage and my breath is labored.
So I tried to bargain with God.
I know that's really not how life works, as much as I would like for it to be otherwise. If there has been one lesson that had been taught to me in my 30s, it's that I have so little control over what happens. The best thing I can do is use my gifts to always be prepared for the opportunity that might come my way.
Am I ready?
Please can You make it so?
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1 comment:
Hello!
I just wanted to thank you for journaling your experience. I too decided to start a blog on my Lupron/Endo journey after much debate about the drug. I just got the shot on Monday. I pray for your health and wish you the best. If you don't mind, I am going to link your page on mine so I can keep up with your story.
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